As part of Sober College University’s Signature Courses , one of the assignments that from the “ Understanding Chemical Dependency ” course which allows students to receive college credits for treatment-related activ it ies is to participate in a Family interview .  The Students are required to call a member of their family and discuss what it was like to live with them , while they were in their active addiction.   This type of assignment helps to build healthy communication as well as helping both the addict and their families to understand more what it was like to live in this disease form the others perspective... Here are some examples:

1.) When did you first notice a change in me?
I first noticed a change in you in your sophomore year of high school.  You quit football and you quit track.  I knew you weren’t a huge fan of football but you were good at it.  I thought you loved track and couldn’t understand why you would quit something you loved.  You choose not to participate in sports your junior and senior years as well.  The biggest change I saw was in your senior year when you started coming home drunk but on time on the weekends.  That progressed to being drunk during the week as well as the weekends.  As the year progressed your drinking and drug use got worse and you were hanging out with different people outside of school distancing yourself from your close group of friends.

2.) What was a moment that frightened you or made you fear for my well being that you haven’t told me about yet?
The most frightening moment was one day when a friend had dropped you off and you seemed really messed up.  I asked you and him what you were on and no one would tell me.  You could barely walk and you keep whispering to me that you wanted to die and that I should just kill you.  I didn’t know whether to make you sleep or keep you awake.  You would go from being aggressive by standing as close to me as possible and whisper mean things to flopping down on the furniture and wanting to sleep.  I finally got you into your bed and you passed out but I stayed up all night making sure to kept breathing.  After you had passed out I went through your pockets and shoes and pillow case and got rid of everything I had found.  The next day you didn’t remember any of it.

3.) Did the fear stress anger sadness resulting from my using ever effect you in other areas of your life? And how?
Your drug use affected every part of my life.  My marriage was affected because I was trying to hide your drug use and cover up your legal actions, turn off the phones to avoid angry calls from parents or other kids, erase messages of absences before he eard them.
My relationship with my daughters was affected, she thought you should be impacted by the consequences of your actions and she tried to protect you from your actions but neither one would tell me what was going on with you and that would make me angry and I didn’t know which way was the best.  It also put a strain my relationship with the girls because I put so much energy and time into saving you that I neglected them and put their problems off.
Advancement in my career was affected due to taking time off the last six weeks of your senior year to walk you to each class to ensure that you graduated.  I would leave work early to pick you up from different locations after you had been missing.  I was passed up for a promotion due to my personal life impacting my professional life.
I let my worry and concern for you affect my health.  I didn’t sleep very well, I wouldn’t eat very often, I drank too much soda, and I stopped working out which lead to my weight gain.  I stopped going out with my friends so I wouldn’t have to lie about how well you were doing.  I kept all my fears and concerns to myself and would get sick. 

4.) What scared you most about my using?
I was afraid you would be somewhere, overdose and die and no one would call me and I wouldn’t be able to find you.

5.) What was the first thing you wanted to do when you knew I was sick?
At first I struggled with whether you were like most teenage boys who were partying during high school and college and would eventually get bored with it and quit or if you were an alcoholic and/or addict. I didn’t want to overreact and put you in rehab if you weren’t.  When you came to me September 2007 and asked for my help, I knew you were sick without any doubt.  I wanted to put you in rehab that night.

6.) What happened when you tried to help?
You were very willing to get help on your terms.  You wanted to quit with the help of your family doctor and I agreed.  You were living with my Nanny and Papa and they also jumped right in to help.  We followed the directions of the doctor and stayed by your side while you detox’d.  I enrolled you into college on your request to keep you busy and away from your drug friends.  It didn’t work and by Thanksgiving your drug use and drinking were out of control again.  In December 2007, you finally agreed to go to rehab after a bad fight with your grandparents. I spent the spent the night with you and drove you to rehab the next morning.  Then drove to Chandler every week to see you to help you stay positive and show my support but two days before you were to be released you got kicked out for drinking on New Year’s Eve.  You said you were done with drugs and I asked to be enrolled into the next semester of college which I did.  By May 2008 your drug use was worse than it was before you went to rehab in December.  When you realized you couldn’t live with me or your grandparents and had no where else to go you agreed to go to rehab again.  Three weeks after admittance, you left and that day I didn’t think I would ever hear or see from you again.  It was the worst day of my life; I couldn’t even get out of bed.  Then you called and told me you were going back but I didn’t believe you.  You did go back and you are still there which gives me hope
.     
7.) What was the first thing you did when you new I had a problem?
I sat by your side with your head in my lap and rubbed your hair and cried silently.  I don’t believe you knew I was crying nor did I want you to know.  I just wanted you to know that I loved you and you would get through this and live a good life.  I was going to do what ever it took to save you.

8.) What did you think was going to happen when I was using?
I thought you would overdose and die, go to jail for using or stealing, be on the streets hungry and messed up, get beaten up or killed, damage your body and brain beyond repair.

9.) Where do you see me going in life now that I am getting help?
Right now I see you as a half baked cookie.  You are firm on the outside due to your weight gain, clear complexion, and once again caring about your appearance.  But you are soft on the inside because you have a lot to learn, remember, and work on to live clean and sober, you need to find a strong connection with your sponsor, participate and rely on a support group, make new friends who don’t drink and use drugs, and reconnect with your family.  I am hopeful that you will see how wonderful life now that you are participating in it.

10.) Where or what would you like to see me do in life now that I am getting help?
For the rest of this year, I envision you in a sober living environment, whatever that may be (Sober College, a sober house, an apartment) I don’t know right now which one would be best for you. I see you working to help pay for some of your expenses and social activities, maybe saving a few dollars. I’d like to see you going to school, whether it is at Sober College or Pierce College is up to you.  My thoughts on taking a class at Pierce will allow you to re-enter college while having a support group at Sober College should you start to stress or doubt yourself or be tempted to use again. I see you socializing with new friends from Sober College or back in Tucson who don’t use or drink.  I also see us spending more time together, whether it’s me visiting you in California or you are back in Tucson.
As for next year, I’ll wait until it is closer.  I do hope that you will be able to decide what the right path is for you: college, a trade school, helicopter school, military, or working full time.

11.) What do you feel like we lost in our relationship that you wish we could get back and how do you think we can get it back?
I believe we have lost trust in our relationship.  I watch you in my home to ensure you don’t steal anything else.  When you are on the phone, I listen to ensure you aren’t talking to anyone who drinks or uses drugs and are trying to get some or are planning to run away again.  When you leave my sight, I watch the time so that when you return I either believe you were doing what you say you were or I think you were using again.  Also, when you leave my sight, I am stressed that someone will offer you some alcohol or drugs and you won’t be able to decline them.  I have been lied to so many times about everything and you are so good at it, that I am afraid to believe anything anymore.  The way to earn trust back is to be where you say you will be, do what you say you will do, call when you say you will call, talk to me so I know where you are at in your head.  Trust and believe in yourself.  I understand this isn’t easy for you and I hope you will do everything possible to succeed.

---

This was another family interview that was conducted: This family interview with between a resident and a family member in which the family member asked the resident questions.

1.) What were your most common feelings when dealing with me in active addiction?
“I often felt absolute abject fear. I struggled with guilt as well. This was all on top of being pissed off of course.”

2.) How much money, about, has this disease cost you?
“About forty-thousand dollars at this point.”

3.) What do you feel that you’ve lost to this disease as a family member?
“I feel like I’ve lost more than a year with you. This was a really important time for me; it’s been emotionally difficult. I’ve also seen your relationship with Peter (brother) deteriorate.”

4.) What hurt you the most about my addiction?
“I know you are an exceptional person, and you were squandering your gifts.”

5.) What lasting effects/permanent damage has my addiction had on your life?
“None. As long as you get better and stay better, it’s almost like you had pneumonia, you know?”

6.) How are things going to be when I get back home?
“Not sure (laughs)… things will be stricter than they were before. I am, however, expecting things to be more like two adults living together. I’m expecting really good things.”

7.) What would happen in the event of relapse?
“Immediate action. You would have to get help or get out.”

8) Has there been any other addiction in your past or family besides myself?
“I grew up with an alcoholic father. I spent my early life trying to make him happy and be perfect. I feel like I carried on this habit and tried to hard to make you happy, but I ended up letting you go to far. Live and learn.”

9.) Have you visited AA meetings lately? If so, how were they?
“I’ve gone to Al-Anon in four towns and they were fairly small and uncomfortable to be honest. It seemed like either one person took over the entire meeting, or no one was engaged at all. I have however found one meeting that is great and I go most Tuesday nights.”

10.) Summarize what addiction means to you in a paragraph or less.
“Addiction is a disease. When a person has a disease you need to get medical help. I also know that there is a psychological and emotional aspect to it. No one wakes up and decides to self-destruct one day, something brings it on. Once it has been brought on the disease kicks in, in my opinion.”

11.) How have you grown though the process of my recovery?
I’ve had to practice letting go. I need help with all this, and other people can help me more than I can help myself. This is something I’ve struggled with for a long time. You are an adult now, Will. I can’t play mommy anymore. I feel more equal than we were before. Having said this, I need you to know that regulations will be enforced if you want to live in my house. I don’t think we’ll run into too many problems.”